Fear. We all experience it. None of us are a stranger to the stomach knots, the mind chatter, the hesitation or complete paralysis that often accompany this small word.
There are a couple of acronyms for fear: False Expectations Appearing Real or Failure Expected And Received.
A more formal definition would be the anticipation of pain.
This definition illustrates the fact that fear is about the FUTURE. Can we live in the future? No, but our mind sure spends a lot of time there. It’s busy making up scenarios of what will happen if you do this thing you fear. And they’re always elaborate and a little crazy, just like a soap opera.
“Ugh, I really need to make this phone call. But the last time I did it the person was really rude to me. I’m sure they hate me. If I call again they’ll just get even more mad and what if they say something hurtful. I may as well not call anyone because then I won’t have to endure verbal abuse or hang ups or just being completely ignored. I’ll just watch TV.”
“I’d love to travel, but really I don’t have the money. And, besides, if I did it’s so dangerous out there. I keep hearing stories of people getting killed in their hotel or being kidnapped on tours or robbed in the street. I just know that’ll happen to me. The world is a crazy place. I think I’ll just stay home where it’s safe.”
Whatever your fear may be, your mind will make up elaborate stories to keep you safe.
My question to you is, would you rather be safe or happy? Would you rather be safe or successful?
Here’s a little secret for you – if you act in spite of your fear, they will get smaller and easier to deal with. As a result, you will still have fear and at the same time you’ll be happier and more successful.
Fear is a story. Tell yourself a different story.
“I get to make this call today! Last time she was a little surly. I’m sure whatever situation was going on has shifted and if it hasn’t, I’m willing to be patient and help out if I can. I love calling people and helping them, giving them great opportunities or a chance to get clear on what they really want. If it’s not what I have to offer, that’s totally cool. At least they’ve made a decision. Give me that phone!”
“I love travel. I’m a little short on cash right now, and I know that I can create what I need. There are so many great places to see, so many wonderful people to meet, so many adventures to be experienced. Why on earth would I just stay home?”
You control your mind, not the other way around. Choose what your story will be.
- Act in spite of fear. When fear comes up, as it will, take a deep breath, recognize it as a story of the future to keep you small and safe and go forward to create the future you want.
- Take chances. Do something every day that scares you, even if it’s something “small” like making that dreaded phone call.
- Reprogram your mind. When a fear shows up say “Thank you for sharing, I’m up to something else.”
- Decide what you really want. When you know what you want, you have direction. Fear will show up and you can go forward knowing the goal on the other side.
You control your life, not your fear. You can write a much better soap opera than the one your fear writes for you. Know that fear will come, be ready for it and write your own ending by moving past the fear and acting anyway.
Get on with the life you want. You deserve it!
Hugs, Christie
Thank you to Barbilee and Robert for the idea of this post. 🙂