Another excerpt from my almost finished book:
Because Sensuality and Sexuality are so closely related, one of the first parts we women shut down when we go into the overwhelm, martyr state is our Sexuality. It leads to a cascade reaction of shutting everything else down as well. When you’re not fully present and feeling in one area, it affects all.
This is a big subject and could be a book in itself. Let’s do our best to keep it simple. Sex is a super-charged subject in our society. Mention homosexuality, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, fetishes, prostitution or anything else to do with the larger subject of sex, and you’re bound to get a lively reaction. People will be immediately engaged and wanting to express opinions, others will shut down and want to change the subject. No matter what, there will be a reaction.
In reality, it’s like the word fuck – it’s not inherently a good or bad thing, it’s simply there and it’s what we create around it that makes it good or bad in our minds. It’s surrounded by standards. Whether you’re brought up in a religious, secular or hippie home there are expectations and standards communicated verbally and by example all around. We take on these standards naturally and begin to believe they are right without testing them.
Then, we start to explore our sexuality, we start to get into relationships and discover that not everyone has the same feelings and standards around sex. We may also discover that what we’ve learned is becoming a little confusing because it doesn’t match with reality. And then add some overwhelm and disenchantment with the way our lives are going and it’s no wonder that we close down or give little attention to our sexual side.
It took a long time for me to really grasp my sexuality, which meant I had to tap into my sensuality first. Now, my sexuality is an integral and integrated part of me. I’m clear on what I need – and what I don’t, like marriage. I’m clear on what I like. I’m more willing to try new things. I’m no longer embarrassed by being sexual. I’m comfortable in my body and although it’s far from perfect, I love being naked. I enjoy multiple partners. I’ve discovered that I’m bi and love women almost as much as men. I like groups, BDSM and anal. All of these things I wouldn’t have even considered had I stayed stuck in the standards of others. And oh how much pleasure I would have missed!
Without knowing your full expression through Authentic Sensuality, you may be putting on a false Sexuality. My authentic sexuality is different than yours. Like all other areas of your life, you need to be clear on who you are, what you want and communicate it effectively in order to live authentically.
When I see people come out to clubs and sit in a corner until they’ve had a few to become “comfortable” with flirting and dirty dancing I know that that is not their authenticity. It may be part of them, but they have not come to a place that they can express it honestly yet. They still feel they need a little extra courage. Until you can express your desires in all areas of your life, especially sexually, straight and unencumbered by manufactured confidence, you aren’t Authentic.
There are so many aspects to Sexuality. Have fun with it. Explore, be in the moment. Like everything else in your life, it’s simply a part of your full expression. Until you allow it to be real for you you cannot be fully Authentic in your Sensuality.
Remember, gorgeous kitties – Be Beautiful, Be YOU!