In my book, The Bad Kitty Handbook – A Journey Toward Authentic Female Sensuality, I give a list of the changes that will happen in your life when you truly own your Bad Kitty. Over the next few weeks, we’ll go over some of these in detail.
This week is “A Bad Kitty is someone who – Knows Who She Is.”
“I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it–and that’s all I got.” ~Sabrina Ward Harrison
It’s scarey to let your full self show fully. Usually the biggest fear is that we will be judged or rejected. But come one, let’s be honest, when we pretend to be someone else we’re often judged and rejected, so suck it up princess! There’s nothing we can do about it. People are judgement machines and we like what we like. So why fight it?
It took me a long time to figure that out. I spent a good 2/3 of my life trying to figure out what others wanted and how to fit in. And was I ever miserable! It wasn’t until I owned who I am and began living on my own terms that my life started to turn around. It’s still a journey in progress and I’m always learning.
Like the other day. I was doing an exercise in the mirror with what are called sentence stems. This is when you take a sentence and fill in the blank several times. One of the stems was “Christie, I am committed to….” The last one I did was “I am committed to BE ME.” After the exercise, I did some journalling. I had an AHA moment. There is a danger when we start to know ourselves. I noticed that I was starting to use it as an excuse. I know myself and I know that certain things are not my thing like numbers and setting up systems. I’ve been using them as an excuse to hold myself back.
My realization is that there is a fine line between expressing who you are and using that expression as a way to keep yourself small. Is that a brain twister or what?
The secret is to know who you are, what you want, what you do best and then find ways to use your strengths and support your challenges. Just because I don’t like numbers doesn’t mean I can use that as an excuse to avoid them It does mean that if someone asks me to be a book keeper for them, I decline.
As a business owner, I need to know my numbers. Knowing what money is coming in and going out is critical. Knowing when my slow times are, what I can charge for what I’m offering and so on are all very important. I need to know these things. I need to have a general knowledge and then I can hand it over to my accountant and book keeper to do what they are good at. I keep tabs on it, I don’t have to do all the nitty gritty.
Do you have things in your life that you’re avoiding because it’s “just not me”? Take a close look and be sure that your avoidance of these things aren’t hurting you and look for support.
Another way we make excuses is “this is me – if you don’t like it too bad”. This is a tough one becuase I encourage you to be you. This attitude is a trap, though. This allows you to know that something in your life is causing you issues with others. Using the “this is the way I am” exucuse can actually hurt your relationships, your growth, your full expression.
One of these things for me was language. My family was so against swearing that sometimes I felt guilty even saying darn. Now I can swear a bluestreak without trepidation when the situation calls for it. When I first started using strong language I used it anywhere with anyone. It kept me apart from some people in my life. I had to learn that although I don’t feel it’s wrong, others do so in order to be in relationship with them I chose to lay off unless it was the only word that expressed my feeling. I am no less myself and I can communicate with people who may have been scared off in the past.
In a nutshell:
- Know that you will always be on a journey of discovery, no matter how well you know yourself
- Never beat yourself up for what you didn’t know or embrace in the past – move forward in that knowledge and adjust accordingly
- When you find yourself making excuses, take a closer look at why and see if it’s serving or hurting you
- Know that you are perfect – and you’re human – so give yourself a break as you figure things out
- Own who you know yourself to be now and welcome the discovery of new facets as you go
Your journey has molded you for your greater good. And it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is the right time. ~Asha Tyson
Enjoy the journey as you move forward excuse free!
Hugs, Christie