Those who knew me when I was younger, knew me as an emotion stuffer. As a child and young adult I didn’t want others to know how deeply I felt things. It seemed easier to hide it than to let it out. I would try to calmly leave the room if I felt tears coming while watching a movie/TV show or even commercial. I felt it was better to keep things in rather than deal with any reactions to my emotions. It was so bad that no matter what the strong emotion was – anger, fear, sadness, even joy, the only way I could express it was in writing.
Emotional stuffing for me led to unreasonable outbursts, even temper tantrums until I was 12. It led to me feeling misunderstood and unheard, which was my own fault for not being honest about how I was feeling. It can also lead to illness, separating ourselves from others and even feeling less feminine.
Huh? I’ve never heard of that last one, you may have responded. Yes, it’s true. In my emotionally stuffed state, I remember feeling like I had to be in control, strong, more “male”.
On Saturday I co-presented a class with Sheri ‘Reilly. Part of Sheri’s portion of the day was about a process called Noble Healing which is a simple process to heal the “holes” in our lives created by betrayals, disrespect and hurts in general. If these things have been stuffed and not dealt with they effect us in unexpected ways.
One thing Sheri said to introduce the process was that “feelings are an ‘extra body organ’ for women. It is the source of feminine energy, power and life.”
We women feel deeply, whether we care to admit it or not. When we cut off that piece of ourselves, we cut off our power! This is also what sensuality is all about. We can’t be sensual without being in touch with our feelings. Sensual is about the senses, so if we cut off our feelings, we ignore the messages coming in from our senses. No wonder so many of us feel disconnected from our environment, from other people, from our dreams. It all comes back to our feelings.
If we get used to stuffing or ignoring our feelings, we get toxic in our body and mind. It’s time to let them out and stop being a turkey about it!
- Allow your emotions to be what they are. If you feel yourself tearing up, allow yourself to cry. If you feel fear, acknowledge it for what it is. If you get angry, let it out. If you feel joy, do a little dance!
- If you are feeling something but aren’t sure what it is, take a moment to figure it out. Sometimes emotions blind side us. Take a moment to go, oh, ya, I’m actually angry/anxious/sad/shame/amused/envious/hopeful and so on.
- Know that emotions are simple. We often try to explain our emotion rather than labeling it. It seems safer. If you find yourself saying “I feel THAT…..” followed by a story, you aren’t in touch with your emotion. An emotion is a single word such as joy, pride, love, etc.
- Accept that whatever you’re feeling is acceptable. There is no use judging or trying to “fix” your emotions. They simply are what they are.
- Accept your emotions as your own. No one “made” you feel this way. It’s not “you made me angry”, it’s “I’m angry.”
Once we recognize and own our emotions, then we can do the work of healing if need be. Often we stuff the negative ones, trying to “protect” others. We all have a desire to be seen, accepted, understood. Others can’t give you that gift unless you show who you are. A big part of showing who you are is being honest about your emotions. Your honesty will also encourage others to do the same, bringing everyone closer.
Let us experience emotions with you. We can handle it. Really. Let us prove it to you.
Hugs, Christie