My last post on International Women’s Day was also posted in the online paper, The Calgary Beacon. When the male editor posted on Facebook that the article was up he made the comment that women are already confident enough and started a storm of comments yaying and naying that comment.
He mentioned that he did an editorial about how men hate women in the paper. He had been interviewing a dating coach who took offense to this comment so she asked 12 men about it and 11 agreed.
OK, that is kind of scary. The fact is, that’s not a very representative study. I could say the same of the women I work with. I haven’t done a formal study – just like the editor and the dating coach – and from my experience, I can say that there is a large percentage of women out there who are pretty unimpressed with men as well.
The inevitable question is”Why?”
This picture shows how many people feel. Women are controlling witches and men are wimps taking it. No wonder so many of us aren’t very fond of the opposite sex.
The truth is, we have come so far and made so many changes in our society over the past hundred years that many of us simply don’t know how to handle it. Certainly we are modern people who should know better, but the fact is that generations of expectations and standards are in our DNA. Those standards say men should be the strong silent type, women should be subordinate.
In the modern age, women don’t want to be subordinate. We have rights! We have equality! Take that men! Feel my power and cower at it’s might!
Men are told that in the modern age they need to be sensitive. Women want the metrosexual. Shave your body hair, cry in front of them, be a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy).
No wonder so few are happy. Men cannot be women, women cannot be men. We are wired differently. We are made unique sexes. Our brains work in sex specific ways. We need to honor that uniqueness and respect the fact that each has it’s strengths and that they complement each other. When we try to be the other sex, that’s when everything falls apart.
Women turn into controlling bitches and nags (usually the label men give them) when men don’t step up. Men turn into wimps and useless lumps (usually the labels women give them) when women take full control. It’s a terrible catch 22.
Since most of my readers are women, I need you to listen very carefully ladies: I am NOT saying you cannot be strong and should be a doormat. We are natural nurturers. We need to honor that. Part of being a nurturer is also being fiercely protective of what and who we love. No one is stronger than a woman when a loved one is threatened. No one will stand up for someone they love more fiercely than a woman. We may not be as physically strong as most men, but we are mentally and spiritually unbeatable. Part of this strength is how we bring out the best in others.
We women want to be independent. After so many millenia of being the ”weaker sex” and having our rights squashed, we feel like we need to show our power. So many of us seek to prove that we can anything a man can do. And of course we can! However, by constantly proving this, we are taking away our men’s power. Nothing makes a man feel better than when he knows he is needed. This doesn’t mean you become a useless, weak kitten. He knows you can do it, but he still wants to serve you. Let him pump the gas. Let him fix something. Let him feel you need him. When he does help out, he needs to be stroked. Thank him. Make a big deal about it and he will keep doing it.
I can feel many of you rolling your eyes right now. “But I keep telling him to do it and he doesn’t.” “Why should Istroke his ego for something he should be doing anyway?” I know how you feel and we must always remember that men and women are different. They want to be needed and they need to be appreciated. It’s just the way it is. Give him a chance without constantly being on him and making him feel small and watch what happens!
Men, if you’re still with me, your woman needs you to be strong. If you don’t want to be nagged, step into your masculine and take charge. This does not mean treating your woman as inferior. It means being the protector you were meant to be. Make her feel loved and safe. You can show your fears and sadness as it’s part of who you are. What we need to see in addition is that you are there through it all to create an umbrella of strength for us to settle under.
Find out what your woman needs to feel loved. Find out what your man needs to feel loved. We all have a different love language. Find out what your partner’s is and honor it. Whether they need gifts, touch, affirmation, time or acts of service – be sure to give it in the strength of yourself and your gender.
When we honor each individual as well as each gender in all things, there will be no more hating. Be You and allow your love to be Him/Her and leave your expectations and standards to the side. You fell in love with this person for a reason. Remember those reasons and do everything you can to support the growth of those qualities rather than tearing your love down or ignoring them all together.
Stop the hate, start the love.
Be Beautiful, Be YOU!
Love, Christie