I was at a bridal show recently. While watching the children in the fashion show, I had a thought. Are some of these kids shy or are they insecure about what they’re doing?
When I was growing up, I was considered shy. So much so that I was able to hide in any crowd large or small. When asked a question, I would give a short answer and my sister would elaborate. I was often thought of as aloof or proud because I was standoffish.
At my core I am an introvert. I like my own company. I get drained when I’m around people for a long time and need to be alone to recharge. That said, I also love being with people under certain circumstances. I love being in front of a large group and with friends for a good chat. I’m not a recluse by any stretch.
But are introverted, shy and insecure the same? Not by a long shot.
Despite being an introvert, I can seem very extroverted in certain situations. Most performers – actors, public speakers, etc – are introverts. Get them off the stage and they can become quite uncomfortable. I can talk like mad when I’m presenting, but put me in a room full of strangers at a party and I will feel quite uncomfortable – or insecure. When I dance I get plenty of attention. Unlike those who say “Dance like no one is watching”, I dance like everyone is watching as I get a kick out of any situation where I can “perform”. But start talking to me off the dance floor and my shyness may start to come up.
So what’s my point? Whether you are naturally introverted/shy or extroverted/outgoing in a situation means very little. What counts is how secure you feel. Extroverts can feel insecure and become shy, introverts can feel secure or confident in the same situation and appear outgoing. You can also be an extrovert feeling insecure who still is outgoing and an introvert feeling secure and still appear shy. We are very complex creatures!
At this bridal show, there was one girl who during the first show was walking with her shoulders up around her ears, her hands in front of her face. She looked scared to death. Many were whispering, “ahh, look she’s so shy.” In the second show she was bouncing around, grinning from ear to ear, lifting her feet to show off her shoes. She had developed confidence from round one and was raring to go for round two. Is she naturally an introvert or an extrovert who was feeling shy? Hard to know without talking to her. Was she insecure early in the day? Absolutely! Was she feeling confident in the afternoon? Clearly.
The only way to know the truth about someone is to actually talk to them and find out what drives them. It’s easy to make assumptions which, unfortunately, are so often wrong! If only all of those who thought I was aloof or proud would have actually talked to me when I was younger, they would have learned so much. There are a number of us out there after all – about 25-35% by most estimates.
For more info on introversion, check out the official site. There are some pretty cool tidbits including quotes. The list of famous introverts might surprise you!
Now, whether you are an introvert or extrovert, feeling insecure is never fun. The cool part is, it may eventually go away with experience. The little girl in the fashion show is a perfect example. So why not jump in when something makes you feel uncomfortable. Just go for it and eventually you won’t even remember that insecure feeling – whether it makes you appear shy or not.
Extrovert or introvert, shy or outgoing, the key is, as always, Be Beautiful, Be YOU!!!!
Hugs, Christie