In my book, The Bad Kitty Handbook – A Journey Toward Authentic Female Sensuality, I give a list of the changes that will happen in your life when you truly own your Bad Kitty. Over the next few weeks, we’ll go over some of these in detail.
This week is “A Bad Kitty is someone who – is Open Hearted.”
We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past but by the love we’re not extending in the present. ~Marianne Williamson
We all have hurts. We sometimes have trouble trusting other people. Many of us even have trouble trusting ourselves. In our minds we even have really good reasons to do so.
My parents divorced when I was 8. My little sister and I lived with our dad, aunt and grandmother for the first year after the divorce then moved in with mom. From that time, we saw our dad once a week until he moved out of town then we saw him during the summer. A few years later mom, sis, new step dad and I moved a 12 hour drive from where dad lived. From that time forward we almost never saw or heard from him. He’d send Christmas and Birthday cards but it was up to my sister and I to make the trip if we wanted to see him face to face.
It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that my sister and I received unexpected letters from our dad. His pancreas had given him a scare so he was giving up drinking, which was much harder than he expected so he was in a rehab hospital with a 12 step program. Step 8 is “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all” so his letter contained his contrition for not taking a larger part of our lives.
My sister’s response was anger. She felt that a letter didn’t cut it in making up for 2o years of absence. I, on the other hand (not to appear holier than thou) sent him a letter back thanking him for coming clean and congratulating him on making steps to change and improve his life.
This is the key to being open hearted.
Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons. ~Jessica Lange
This extends to yourself as well as others. It can often be easier to forgive others than it is to forgive oneself. I still have trouble at times looking beyond my past mistakes. I know that they have made me who I am and I’m grateful for them and at the same time I often think that, at my age, will I really be able to move beyond them?
The answer is yes, yes, YES!
To move forward:
- Take some time to list the people you are still holding grudges toward. Do a ceremony to let go of the hurt and anger. Have whatever conversations you need to clear it up.
- Look at where you are holding yourself back due to past mistakes. Do a ceremony to forgive yourself.
- When you meet someone who you notice makes you hold back or close down, do some soul searching to figure out why. They probably remind you of someone or something from your past. See them as a new person and breathe through the closure. Fight to stay present with them. They are not your past.
- Have whatever conversations or write whatever letters you need to clean up old hurts you may have caused.
- Love those in your life from a new place, as if you’re starting all over. The past is the past. Leave it there.
- Come from a place of appreciation. Look for what makes you smile rather than dwelling on what makes you frown.
Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life. ~Christiane Northrup
You deserve to have a happy life. The only way you can do that is by letting go of the hurts that make you miserable. Look for the positive, give your love and watch everything around you change. Your perception will change everything. Your heart will give and receive love freely. Life will never be the same!
Be Beautiful, Be YOU – and allow others to do the same.
Hugs, Christie