What Sensuality Isn’t

Marilyn feeling the breeze sensually
Marilyn feeling the breeze sensually

This last weekend I met a woman at  a workshop who was encouraged to express her sensual side.  She was rigid and resistant – until the end of the weekend.  I didn’t get  a chance to talk to her in depth about her resistance and, from what she said, it had a lot to do with her upbringing.  At the end of the weekend she let loose and it was such fun for us watching and for her!

At this same workshop, a woman kept telling me “I want what you have.  I have to take your classes.”  At the end of the weekend she said, “I really want to learn more about my sexuality.”  “Your SENSuality,” I replied as I do so often.

Yesterday I met a woman at an event who took one look at my banner which says “Authentic Sensuality” at the top and then lists my services beside my logo and said “That’s not for me, I’m a widow.”  We talked a little and her body language clearly said, “let me go.”  So I did.

And so I must continue to educate people on the realities of sensuality.  Today, let’s go over the myths of  sensuality.

1. Sensuality and Sexuality and interchangeable entities. Despite the fact that we sometimes use them in place of each other, sensuality and sexuality are NOT the same thing.  As you have heard if you’ve come to any of my classes:

“Sensuality is giving pleasure to the body or mind through the senses.  The key word here is pleasure.  Senusuality includes all five of our senses: hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and touching.  It also includes the 6th sense which is any use of conceptual thought to enhance pleasure.

Sexuality meanwhile is the physicological function that pertains to reproduction brought about by insemination of the female by the male through penile penetration of the vagina.”  (from Extended Massive Orgasm – how you can give and receive intense sexual pleasure – Steve Bodansky, PhD and Very Bodansky PhD).

Although they are often intertwined, they are not the same. It certainly doesn’t help that everything we see about sensuality screams sex – google sensual images and you’ll see what I mean!  The truth is, you can be sensual with no sex involved and you can have sex without being sensual (but why would you want to.)

2. Sensuality is something outside me. Sensuality is PART of you.  What you experience is outside you – you smell a lilac across the street, touch someone’s skin, taste food that you are putting in your mouth, see a sunset miles away, hear music on the radio.  How your respond to the various stimuli is part of who you are.  If you don’t like lilacs you’ll hold your breath, if you like them you’ll breath deeply.  If you are touching a loved one you will savor that touch, if you are brushing against a stranger you may recoil.  If you are taking time with a gourmet meal you will enjoy every bite, if it’s a Big Mac in the car, you likely won’t enjoy much of anything that crosses your tongue.  You may stop and have a zen moment with the sunset or feel dread that the day is coming to a close and there’s still so much to do.  You might change the station because you hate a song or start to dance.   How you express yourself in response to your senses is your sensuality.

3. Sensuality is bad. Since sensuality is part of who you are, how can it be bad?  This links with the confusion between sensuality and sexuality.  Many feel that if we are sensual we are also slutty or inviting unwanted sexual attention.  If you want to invite sexual attention, your sensuality will do that.  If you don’t, it won’t.  It’s also seen as confidence, self expression and joie de vivre!  How can that be wrong?  Sensuality is goddess energy.  Sensuality is flow, female energy is flow. If you are cutting off your flow, you are cutting off your feminine.  It’s no wonder so many women are rigid, sexually repressed, domineering and, let’s face it, bitchy.  If we’re cutting off our natural energy it’s impossible to be truly happy.  Since Sensuality is your expression it looks different on each individual.  Sensuality is part of you and ignoring it is looking for trouble.

I hope this clears up some misconceptions about sensuality.  Let’s spread the word together so every woman can feel comfortable with her own sensuality, with the word sensuality and with the knowledge that she is beautiful in the expression of her sensuality so the next generation can feel free to Be Beautiful, Be YOU along with us!

Hugs and kisses, Christie



  1. Here we are in this enlightened age, so confused by these things! As I am
    now in my 60’s I am so much more aware of all the senses you talk about. The one I REALLY BECAME AWARE OF WAS TASTE. I found myself really noticing the textures of food; Easy to chew or hard? I found myself ”savoring” smooth textures like yogurt, certain fruits & vegetables & I loved cold water & other drinks. I ENJOYED tastes & took more time noticing & enjoying! Feeling skin, a baby’s incredibly soft skin & hair; their unique ,sweet smell.
    Christie has explained this all so well, I won’t go on anymore.
    That was such a limited description of sex was it not? sensuality 1st but then add in those feromones when we suddenly feel that special attraction to someone; your pulse races, your b.p goes up, you may feel weak in the
    knees, be flushed,& of course that heat in your core being which makes ”sex” a pleasurable possibility! you may have sensuality & care nothing for sex but when both things come together properly; fireworks, stars, music, a feeling impossible to describe, a meeting of two souls that will send you to the skys! Those beautiful,blissful feromones! Thank
    the Creator for the way he made us; beautiful, sensual creatures made to love & to be loved. When we are really blessed with that special person, we learn what it means to be truly sensual, leading to being sexual. WOW!

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