The things we get obsessed with is always a source of amusement – and sometimes frustration – for me. We’ve talked about female libido enhancers, H1N1, cougars and Glee among other things on these pages. Now let’s talk about women faking orgasms.
For some reason, this is a widely studied phenomena in the sex research world. A recent study, published earlier this year, says 80% of the women surveyed (only 71 of them) have “forced vocalizations.” 90% of them said they did it to boost their partners self esteem. Wait, is there something wrong with that?
It’s also well represented in entertainment. From Elaine admitting to Jerry that she “faked it” with him on Seinfeld to the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” scene in When Harry Met Sally, the fake orgasm is a well known habit. There are even instructional videos for your edification!
So why has this gotten my attention and put my panties in a twist? What’s the big deal?
For one, most women say they do it to boost their partners self esteem. How can that be a bad thing? I orgasm very easily. Always have, but there have been occasions when I’m not really into it and I do some vocalizations anyway. It’s not so much that I don’t want to have sex or that I’m doing it “just to make him happy” (which is a whole other conversation), I just may not be that much in the mood so I give a little extra effort for his edification.
It can also be part of the play. Haven’t you ever made more noise than the sensations you were feeling warranted just because it was fun? If not, give it a shot. Throw a little theatricality into the proceedings. As one of the songs in the show Avenue Q says, “you can be as loud as the h*** you want when you’re making love!” If that loudness is a bit of a show for the fun of it, then have some fun! Isn’t sex supposed to be fun?
There is also the “fake it till you make it” strategy. For some, myself included, as you’re warming up to the activity, the occasional oo and ahhh will help the mood develop. It’s true of so many things in our life. If we act as if we’re happy or successful or whatever it is we’re wanting, we will eventually actually feel/experience it. So why wouldn’t sex be the same way. Ta da, it is!
Of course there is a “darker” side of fake orgasms. The “just get on with it I want to go to sleep” side. Oh, no, how terrible! How dare we make our partner feel good so that we can get a little rest. Oh, relax. Guess what, men do it too! “For men, the most common reasons for faking it were that orgasm was unlikely or taking too long and that they wanted sex to end. Four-fifths of women reported they faked it to avoid negative consequences, like hurting their partner’s feelings. Half of men reported the same motivation.”
So why be so preoccupied with women faking it if men do it too – and often for the same reason? Because, once again, women aren’t allowed to be sexual. We can’t enjoy sex in any way shape or form whether it’s real or we want our man to have high sex esteem.
I’m so SICK of it! A generation ago women were supposed to be chaste but men were supposed to have experience. If you were one of the women who helped the men get experience, you were a slut. Now we’re obsessed over whether women or having fake or real orgasms. Why do men get to have all the fun? That’s what gets my panties in a knot. I’d much rather have them in the corner of the room!
So, ladies, own your sexuality. Enjoy it with all your senses. If you like to throw in the occasional fake orgasm, have at ‘er. If you’re naturally orgasmic, let them rip! Whatever you enjoy, enjoy it. Forget all the people – especially researchers – telling you how it “should” be. Like everything else in our lives, we are individuals and deserve to behave as such.
Be Beautiful, Be YOU – and enjoy your fake and non-fake orgasms!