How perfect. Last blog post I ended by saying, “Men, we’ll talk to you another time about what you can do to help.” Then the other day I received a question from a client (woman) which said, “My significant other says I’m not sexy. What is actually sexy?”
Ok, men, never, ever, EVER say that or anything similar to your woman, especially one you supposedly love. If you want her to feel safe, loved and open in your presence, you sure don’t want to tear her down like that.
As I said in the last post, the reason so many women lose their sex drive is because they are feeling unloved. Remember how into you she was when you first met? That wasn’t because she was more sexual than she is now. It’s because, more than likely, you were trying harder then. Everyone expresses their initial infatuation and love in different ways. Some of the things may have done are more frequent compliments, flowers, unexpected gifts, verbal appreciation, taking more time with her, having long talks, clandestine touch in public. There are so many ways we express our attraction to another person.
Unfortunately once we have that person, we often let it slide. And I say we because, ladies, we can be just as guilty of this as our men.
However, I am talking to you men right now, so go back to that time when you were both totally into each other. Find ways to start doing those things again! At first she may wonder what the hell you feel guilty about, but eventually she will start to respond to those little kindnesses and love messages as she used to.
The key is to maintain intimacy even when there are kids, bills and a million other pressures. When we women know that we are loved and appreciated in amongst all the other crazy things that are happening, we feel more sexual. Sex can start to feel like “one more thing I have to do.” When that happens, of course we lose interest. When our partner makes us feel special outside the bedroom, it becomes something we actually seek!
One gift you may want to give is The Bad Kitty Handbook. This book is a guide for women to love themselves again. It’s hard to give things to people that you think they might “need” to “help” them. When you give this book to your woman, be sure to hand it to her humbly and say to her in your best loving voice, “I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I want you to know it too.”
One great big smack upside the head!
Hugs and Kisses,