Never has the pressure to be “perfect” been stronger than it is now. Everywhere we look there are ads and other pressures for us to “improve’ the way we look which, miraculously, will improve how we feel about ourselves. Ask anyone who’s addicted to plastic surgery how well that theory plays out in real life.
Recently there was a story about Patricia Krentcil who is accused of taking her 5 year old daughter to a tanning bed. Take a look at her. She’s obviously addicted. The story has gotten so much attention that she’s been banned from all tanning salons in her area. Thank goodness. For her sake as much as her child’s!
Here in the west we’re obsessed with being darker. In the East it’s the opposite. They want to be lighter. In the Bollywood industry the lighter skinned you are, the more likely you are to get a leading role. This has led to the popularity of skin lightening creams.
Now it’s gone a step too far – vagina lightening creams!
SAY WHAAAA???!!!!
Yes, my friends, the need to be something other than we are not has gotten down to our naughty bits. Make the skin lighter, your labia smaller, whatever it takes to look more “normal”. Ummm, how many of you have seen all your friends’ genitalia? Who’s to say what’s “normal” or “attractive”?
Like every other part of our bodies, we are all attracted to different things. The drive to make us all the same makes me ca-raaazy!
I’ve ranted before about how we have the right to look like and be who we are. We are all so amazing in our differences. We are all created perfect as we are. And everywhere we look we are told we need to change. It’s so hard to fight when the messages inundate us in hundreds of ways every day.
I’m not against self “improvement”. I only wear colors and styles that I know flatter me. I choose my hair color and cut so that it shows my face in it’s best light. I have piercings because I enjoy the look and feel of them. I accessorize because I love bling. I seek to be my best self by taking classes, reading and getting feedback. The difference is, I do it by choice. I don’t do it out of shoulds, obligations, outside pressures, to be better liked, to fit in, to modify myself according to the standards of others.
It’s a fine line. Only you know if you are choosing to make changes from a strong sense of self and wanting to express that sense of self more effectively or if you are being manipulated into changing by outer forces and expectations.
Ask yourself these questions to get clear on why you are seeking change:
- Am I doing this so that someone else (fill in their name or role in your life) will accept me?
- Am I doing this so that I will look more like the people I’m told are beautiful?
- Am I doing this because it will help me express myself more effectively?
- Am I doing this so I will fit in with the crowd I want to be part of?
- Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I have to?
- Am I doing this out of a habit or addiction or by choice?
I’m not here to tell you to tan or not to tan, to lighten or not to lighten. What I’m here to say is do it because you choose out of a place of strength and a sense of self. When there is a sense of “this will make my life better, this will make me happier” chances are it won’t. You take yourself with you wherever you go, even to the tanning salon or spa. And when you leave, you are still you whether your skin is lighter or darker and whether your private bits are the same color and size or not.
Love yourself first, the rest will follow.
Hugs, Christie