Judge Yourself, Others Feel Judged


This week I had the privalege of attending part of a series of classes presented by Dr.Shelly Childers.  One piece that was discussed I found especially interesting.  We all know that we judge.  It can be detrimental.  It can keep you safe.  We’ve discussed judgement here before.  The Ah ha moment I had on Monday was the comment that when we are judgemental of ourselves, others can feel it and the energy of your self judgement gives the impression that you are judging them.  This leads to two people worrying about what the other person is thinking when both are thinking about themselves.

It’s no wonder we’re all walking around worried about what everyone else is thinking of us.  We feel the energy of the thoughts the other person is having about themself and we get all bent out of shape.  When really, it has nothing to do with us, but them.  And vice versa.  Talk about crazy making.

The easy solution: stop judging yourself.  When you’re able to truly stop judging yourself it opens you up to more possibilities.  It opens you up to better relationships.  It opens others up to feel safer and freer with you because they don’t feel judged.  It makes your life fuller, more joyful, in general, happier.

The hard part: actually stopping self judgement.  We are programmed to do it and we’ve become so good at it.  We don’t want to be proud or full of ourselves so we go the opposite direction.  This makes you take less chances.  Your relationships have walls.  Others subconsciously feel some discomfort around you.  Your life isn’t as full or joyful as it could be.

Are You Listening?

One way to overcome self judgement is to actually listen to what others say about you.  The good things, that is.  Another part of the course with Dr.Shelly was standing up front and having others tell you what they saw in you.  I had words like “powerful”, “sassy” as well as phrases like “do anything”, “doesn’t care what others think” and so on come my way.

Granted we don’t always get the opportunity to have people in a non threatening environment state how they feel about you in such clear fashion.  I do guarantee, though, that there are many people around you trying to tell you how wonderful you are and you just aren’t listening because you’re too wrapped up in your self judgement.

Start looking and listening for the postitive messages others are sending you.  It may be an offhand comment “you’re cool” or a clear compliment “I always feel so inspired by you” or even a look of admiration.  Wherever this positive feedback comes from, take it in and accept the truth of the wonderful things others see in you.

The other part of the formula is to give yourself good messages.  Look for what you like about yourself.  Find the parts of your body you enjoy.   Challenge yourself.  Take risks.  Go outside your box.  And in it all, celebrate your successes.

A lack of judgement of yourself will lead to others feeling unjudged by you and open up all sorts of unexpected possibilities.

Are you ready for some new adventures?  Now’s the time for you.  Love yourself and see what happens!

Hugs, Christie