Over the past month Andrea Nemerson, who writes a syndicated sex column, has been talking a lot about the terms women endure, rage at, hate and sometimes love and why. These terms are Gold-digger, Cougar and MILF.
In case you’re unaware, Gold-digger refers to a younger woman who snags an older man (think Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas). Older women hate these “girls” because they are stealing the men in their age bracket which are rare enough to start with, thank you very much! Or at least that’s what they say.
Cougar is the older woman who snags a younger man (think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher). Younger women think that the “old bats” are stealing their eligible men.
A MILF is the acronym for Mother I’d Like to F*** (Angelina Jolie comes to mind). Does this mean that becoming a mother makes you unattractive? If by some miracle you’re still attractive after babies and spit up, you get this label. No wonder it gets so many mommy backs up.In general, many people look at these terms as degrading and another sign of society trying to minimize the sexual power of women.
This may be true in some cases, and in others I think people are just too damn sensitive. People like to generalize, to stereotype, to categorize. It makes our lives easier in some ways. If we can label something it makes it easier to deal with. It happens to everyone. Jock, Nerd, Emo, Goth, Geek, Silver Fox, Redneck, Squint, Geezer, Four Eyes, Hunk, Dumb Blonde, Toothpick, BBW and so, so, so many more!
We all do it, come on admit it. We meet someone and automatically put them in a category. Often we like to pretend that we’re more enlightened or above it, but truth is we are judgment machines! It’s part of our nature. We judge a room’s temperature. We judge whether or not we like food that is given to us. We judge whether or not a piece of clothing looks good on us. We judge whether or not we want to hang out with someone or pursue a romatic relationship.
It isn’t right or wrong, it just is. It’s part of our survival mechanism. If we didn’t judge temperature we could freeze. If we didn’t judge food we could eat something that was dangerous. What’s unfortunate is what we then do with those judgements. If we discrimiate or treat someone as less because of our impression of them, that is wrong.
I could be considered by many to be a Cougar. I am dating a man 15 years younger than me. Technically I’m not a Cougar as I didn’t seek him out or seduce him. We met and we connected on several levels. We got to know each other and we are very fond of each other as who we are without regards to age. He’s more mature, accomplished and clear than most 40 year olds I’ve met.
Due to our age difference, many people in just looking at us will label me a Cougar. Big deal. I take it as a compliment that this young, mature, accomplished man finds me interesting, sexy and wants to spend time with me. If I get derided with a sneer by some, they probably just wish they could find the same!
So, no matter what others label you, remember two things:
1. It’s more about them than it is about you.
2. Have a sense of humor about it, it’s only words.
Be Beautiful, Be YOU – no matter what others may call it.
Hugs! Christie