Recently I was asked by a client, “When should a woman stop showing her cleavage? Should wrinkles (neck and chestbone area) matter?” Sounds like the media machine glorifying youth is having an effect.
There are so many “rules” out there for how we “should” behave, dress, date, eat and so on and so on. Yes, there are some things that may simply be smart like not meeting someone you don’t know in a lonely dark alley or eating candy and nothing else. Then there are other things that may work for one person and not another like wearing a short skirt after 35 or being vegan. There are so many things that cannot be given as absolutes because we are all so very different.
My advice to my client was:
“First of all, there are no “shoulds”. Of course, the web would tell you differently. There are a lot of sites that will give you tips on how to prevent and/or get rid of chest wrinkles. I’m pretty much an age gracefully person while doing smart things so you don’t aggravate the aging process (for example, I don’t spend a lot of time in the sun). My personal bias is to enjoy our natural-ness.
That said, I don’t think there’s any rule around when to cover up. There are many out there who would say differently because we’re so averse to aging and seeing the results is something a lot of people don’t want to be exposed to. Well, so sad for them!
What is YOUR comfort level is the answer. There are women out there who have been wearing turtlenecks since they were 30 (like Diane Keaton) and others who don’t worry about it at all (Jamie Lee Curtis). Basically it boils down to a personal choice. If you love your cleavage despite some crepey skin, let it show. As in all areas of your life, don’t let others dictate to you what is “right”. Rather ask, what is right for ME.”
As if to drive my point home, V Magazine is publishing The Who Cares About Age Issue. It features Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda and Sigourney Weaver talking about accepting their age and, as Susan puts it, her saggy skin.
As I approach my 50’s, purchased my first pair of progressive lenses, sometimes feeling like my mind isn’t as sharp as it was and notice more wrinkles than last week, I love these role models! We’ve been so inundated over the past 20 years or so with an ever increasing acceptance and preponderance in plastic surgery that even I, as someone who teaches accepting yourself as you are, has sometimes felt some pressure around the aging process.
The fact is, I wouldn’t go back to my younger years for love or money! I love who I am now. I love who my journey to this point has made me.
Last night my boyfriend and I watched The Butterfly Effect. It came out six years ago but neither of us had ever seen it. We were both quite impressed. The premise, for the rest of you who missed it, is a boy who has a mental illness which causes him to blackout under stressful situations. When he gets older he discovers that he can go back in time to when those things happened and change the outcome which wreaks havoc on the present.
After the movie, my boyfriend asked what I would go back and change. I said, honestly, “nothing.” If I changed anything that was a struggle or caused pain, which is what one would normally want to “fix”, I wouldn’t be where I am and likely not with him. So why would I want to go back?
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in making things “perfect”. In reality, there is no such thing. We have the power to create what we want out of what we’ve been given.
So, ladies, as you age, enjoy your cleavage it’s part of your wonderful self. Enjoy your legs, they’ve done a lot of work for you. Love your soft belly, it’s been through a lot with you. Smile at your arms, they’ve given a lot of hugs. And, if you feel so inclined, show what you want off a little. You have every right no matter what the youth machine says.
Love you all!
Christie